No, because they turned it down before Shearer got the job.
Aston Villa 1 – 0 Newcastle
Alan Shearer believes Newcastle need a complete overhaul after their relegation, i.e get rid of all these muppets and sign others on smaller contracts. The Toon’s relegation fate seemed etched in stone after Damien Duff was hugely unlucky to divert a wayward Gareth Barry shot past a helpless Steve Harper. Newcastle never looked like scoring throughout the contest and their failure to find and equaliser meant that the Magpies were relegated to the Championship. You have to chuckle.
Hull 0 – 1 Manchester United
Anyone notice the Barça lineup for their league fixture? Sir Alex’s (literal) boys had too much firepower for desperately poor Hull, Darron Gibson cracking home a stunner of a 35-yarder that gave Myhill no chance in goal. Lucky they had a good first half of the campaign.
Liverpool 3 – 1 Tottenham
Europa League dream chasing Tottenham fell behind when Fernando Torres headed home a Kuyt cross. The match – and Tottenham’s dreams of European football – were seemingly laid to rest in the 64th minute when Kuyt’s loose shot deflected off Alan Hutton and over the hapless Gomes. In a moment that all romantics could enjoy, Robbie Keane raced behind the Reds’ backline in the 77th minute to bring Spurs back into the game. The Reds closed out the campaign with a third from unsung hero of the season Yossi Benayoun, slipping a shot past Gomes. Tey avoiding crap home draws next year.
Sunderland 2 – 3 Chelsea
Somehow there were 3 crappier teams in the league this year. After a goalless first half at the Stadium of Light, lionheart Nicolas Anelka broke the deadlock to ensure that he wins the race for the Golden Boot, the striker breaking from inside his own half and lashing a wonderful 25-yarder into the top corner. The Black cats drew level thanks to a crap flap from Petr Cech, the keeper failing to catch Leadbitter’s cross and Kieran Richardson took advantage to drill in the leveller.
Chelsea retook the lead 15 minutes from time after Salomon Kalou blasted a shot into Fulop’s near post after Sunderland failed to clear a corner. Chelsea opened up a 2-goal lead when Ashley Cole fired home a right-foot volley on the rebound after Malouda’s shot was saved. Kenwyne Jones met an Andy Reid cross to cut the deficit to one. The Black cats for once have the last laugh over those useless Geordie bastards, though.
Arsenal 4 – 1 Stoke
Typical; do it when it counts for shit, bloody weaklings. Arsenal treated the Emirates to some sublime football to destroy Stoke inside 18 minutes beginning with James Beattie’s own goal from a Cesc cross into the mixer. Robin van Persie netted the second from the spot five minutes later, with Abou Diaby heading in the third from a RVP dead-ball. Ricardo Fuller pulled the visitors back into the game with a penalty before Van Persie claimed his second of the half after a woeful header from Rory Delap, to complete a brilliant 45 for the Gunners. Try winning important games, you pillocks.
Fulham 0 – 2 Everton
Two of the division’s best teams. Leon Osman put the Toffees ahead on the stroke of halftime, beating the offside trap to slot home Steven Pienaar’s pass.
That lad Osman struck again late in the second half, the midfielder dancing past two Fulham defenders and smashing a long-range stunner into the top corner. The result was immaterial however as both sides qualified for the much anticipated Europa League.
Wigan 1 – 0 Portsmouth
Big Hugo Rodellega scored the decisive goal on 26 minutes, Charles In’Zomnia surging down the left and putting in a tricky cross which old Sol Campbell missed, allowing Rodallega to tap home.
West Ham 2 – 1 Middlesbrough
Boro needed a miracle to avoid the drop, although not being crap would’ve helped. Things started badly when Can’t Control slotted home Luis Boa Morte’s cross on 33 minutes.
Boro were given hope early in the second half with Gary O’Neil’s strike, but the Hammers soon regained control, Junior Stanislas’s 20-yard slipped under Brad Jones is desperate fashion. Boro finished the season joint bottom with West Brom on 32 points.
Manchester City 1 – 0 Bolton
Fool of the campaign Micah Richards clipped other fool of the campaign Robinho’s free-kick into Felipe Ciacedo’s path and all the striker had to do was slot home after eight minutes. Boring.
